The Geese Have Landed

It has been an odd first summer back for me back in the great Puget Sound. The weather-folks keep trying to convince me that the temps have been totally, completely average. But the summers of the past that I remember don't include rain or grey skies, both of which seem plentiful this summer. Indeed, perhaps the temps have been average but the skies have not been blue.

I teeter back and forth between being completely elated at being back home and being utterly depressed (and cold!). I am a laughingstock of friends and family, the Goldilocks as it were for Tucson was tooooo hot and Tacoma is, well, tooooo cold (and grey and wet). I realize I can't have it all but the switch has been a shock to my system.

Deep down, I know that I am happy to be here. Since we've been here for the last month+, we've gone hiking twice, camping once and I've gone running down on the waterfront countless times. I've been enough times where I am actually starting to recognize people and give them nicknames in my head! I am fascinated by the thought of running at any time of day I please in the middle of summer! Without having my head explode from heat! Without having to carry a gallon of water, a gallon of Gatorade and three other gallons of fluids and ice back at the car! It is a giddy, giddy feeling for sure.

A few nights ago though, I was about to fall asleep when I heard geese flying overhead with their recognizable honk, honk, honk. And today, as I sat down at the beach with my daughter on our last true day alone with each other before I return to work, there were a few geese paddling/resting in the water.

Geese mean the return of fall. And that made me sad. And maybe even homesick.

Except. I am home.

So what the heck am I talking about?

Tucson and I were never the best of friends. I never hugged it tightly, promising to never let it go. I never settled down roots there. I wanted to but it always felt like some sort of awkward first date and I was constantly seeing all of these flaws. I was hoping this bad first date would just hurry up and end.

Well, the date did end. Finally!

But I still miss it a little. Fall in Tucson is a glorious time. Lots of place have their fall leaf shows and I do love those but a lot of my favorite memories of Tucson occur in the fall. The air finally cools down enough and is even crisp in the morning. But the sun still shines nice and warm in the afternoon. The javelinas make their way down back into town, munching on and destroying many pumpkins and potted gardens. I adored fall in Tucson.

So seeing those geese made me a little sad about no longer being there. I hurried out of town without even so much as a goodbye. And yet. I am still tied to the town with a house that won't sell but...will I ever even see this house I am making mortage payments on again? Probably not. I feel a little awkwardly tied to Tucson. I am ready to move on. And yet, I can't let go either.

New Beginnings

So, do you want the long version of my life in review over the last month or the short version? :-)

To sum it all up, I made it safely here to the Pacific Northwest. My daughter was an angel for the entire car ride. Our stuff was delayed getting here and we lived for over a week in a house with no furniture and an air mattress. The air mattress popped one night and we all ended up "sleeping" on a hardwood floor.

I ran a half marathon. I forgot to pack running socks and all of my stuff was still in Tucson in a warehouse so I had to buy new socks.

It got hot here (yay!). My daughter and I were the only ones in pants at the toddler park.

I had a job interview (one in a multi-series of interviews for an organization) and I forgot to pack shoes (but I did have my suit) so I had to buy shoes.

My stuff finally arrived, mostly in one piece. It barely fits into the rental house but the espresso machine and the washer and dryer are all I need to be happy so it works.

I ran a 5K across the new Tacoma Narrows Bridge.

Then it got cold and rainy. I wanted to hide under the covers all day during the cold and rainy part. Winter here will be a challenge. I become Eeyore at the slightest hint of grey or clouds.

I had yet another job interview (#4 in the series).

After a month without internet or cable tv, I re-joined the technological age and had everything installed.

I was offered and accepted a job!

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So, all in all, it has been a wild, busy ride. We still are waiting for our house in Tucson to sell but otherwise, all the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. I've been off of work for a month now and have two more weeks of summer vacation before I return to work. The relocation has been difficult and stressful beyond belief at times but now we're here, safe and sound.

My life is far from perfect but as I ran 8 miles the other night along the waterfront, with clear views of Mount Rainier in one direction and the Olympics in the other direction, I felt at home and happy.

I'm settling in to a routine but have been busier than ever and it will only get busier when I start my job. I only have a few more months to train for the Portland Marathon and before we all know it, summer will be over and the days will get shorter again. Computer time is self-limited these days.

There is a pretty good likelihood that my blogging days are over. I continue to read many blogs and I really enjoy them but I don't have any pressing reason to write anything on my own blog. We'll see...

For now, I hope everyone is having a fabulous summer! If you want to keep in touch with me, please feel free to email me privately.

We All Got To Make A Livin'

I totally love that show Dirty Jobs. There are some nasty things that people do on a daily basis, aren't there?

And although this job does not qualify as "dirty" I think it would totally suck in a BIG WAY to have to be one of those professional packers. How painful would it be to have to go into someone's home every day and pack each little item into nicely wrapped little newspaper print packages and section it all away into cardboard box after cardboard box.

Just when I think I'm making progress, I open yet another closet. And I haven't even touched my daughter's room yet. Sigh...

But in less than two weeks, lovely little men will come and haul my stuff away in a truck and I will gladly wave goodbye to all of my hard work over the last few weeks.

Speaking of jobs, I have yet another interview with another organization. Yippee! It is a phone interview with a TEN person panel. And I have to give a 10 minute presentation. GULP.

And my big interview is fast approaching this week! My mom is flying down here to take care of my daughter so I can fly up there and dazzle people with my fundraising prowess and they will immediately say, Please work for us!!!" Right? Right? Positive thoughts can take you care. Keeping my mental status in check. It is like a marathon. Without the GU!

Parenting Tirade

This may come as somewhat of an odd statement but I do not believe in the supposed importance of teaching "sharing" to children. But, I don't think this is a strange philosophy when you consider my reasoning.

Natalie's school was closed for a few days this week which gave us a great opportunity to go do some fun things together. I asked her if she wanted to go to the zoo or the children's museum. She chose the children's museum (and I was glad because the zoo would've been hot!).

When we arrived, it was obvious we were not the only ones in search of respite from the heat. The place was packed with kids. We found a fun puzzle that required matching block shapes to the corresponding picture and she enjoyed that. That is, until another little child came barging next to her and grabbing pieces and working on the puzzle with her. Perhaps you don't see this as a problem? Aw, how cute, two little kids working on a puzzle together? Natalie and I though both saw it as an invasion of space. This was Natalie's "work" and anothe child was basically intruding. Natalie did not protest--she simply decided to go work on something else as the puzzle lost its appeal.

At some point, we came to a wooden train table. Natalie loves trains and nobody was there so she immediately sat down and started pushing trains around. Another child came up and, even though there were other trains to play with, grabbed a few cars directly out of Natalie's hands! I immediately looked for a parent and gave her a dirty look and her reaction was, "Oh ______, let's share the toys!" But she did NOT take the trains away and give them back to Natalie. She really just poo-pooed the offense. I'm not sure what the child learned by hearing his mom say, "Share!" without actually even demonstrating the practice.

Let's put these two different things into another perspective. Let's say you're at a bookstore perusing a pile of books. They are clearly in your hands, your territory. And another adult walks up to you and physically grabs a book out of your hand and begins reading it. His/her response? "Let's share!" Does that sound okay to you?

Or what if you're at your local Starbucks, enjoying your coffee and working on a crossword puzzle. You enjoy the challenge of figuring it out for yourself. Would you be okay with it if another adult came up to you, looked over your shoulder and shouted out, "That answer is banana!"

In both of these situations, it is clearly an invasion of space in the adult world and would not be socially acceptable. But for some reason, parents think that children should be okay with sharing a piece of work or toy. Time and time again, I see parents who use this buzzword, "share!" when their child has acted inappropriately. By the time we left the museum, I was rather disgusted with the behavior I saw in many children who are far old enough to know better.

I should clarify that I do believe that children, at some point, should be willing to share and that they should understand the concept. There have been many times when I will take Natalie to Starbucks and she asks for a special treat and I will say, "Yes, but we will share it." And she also offers to share food, toys, projects with me and others. The idea of sharing is reciprocal and any expectation of sharing is understood ahead of time. I will also ask her if I may please have a bite of her cookie or whatever it may be, rather then just grabbing something from her. I believe this is much more respectful and is how I would hope she behaves throughout her own life.

Sharing is a nice concept. But it must be done in a way that is acceptable to both parties. Either of Natalie's situations at the museum could have been much more pleasant experiences if the parents had set the expectation that it is certainly okay to ask another child if they can join in a game or share a toy. Natalie is not a selfish or greedy child and would have very happily offered to share her toys. But when they were rudely taken from her, she was bewildered. And so was I.

I don't know yet how to handle other children in public places. I would never reprimand another child unless the offense was something great (if a child hits my child without reason, you know I'm going to step in!). I also understand that there are many parenting styles and that ultimately, mine not be the right one. But, I do fully expect that a parent should be watching their children, even in these public spaces. You don't get to relax just because your child is somewhere safe. Unfortunately, I see parents slacking often in these types of situations. Ultimately, I believe the children are going to suffer the consequences of this. And that makes me sad.

Why Can't I Be One of Those People?

Have you ever driven around and seen those garage sales where absolutely EVERYTHING is for sale, including used toiletries and half eaten boxes of cookies? Every knife, fork, spoon and every teeny tiny little toy is all for the taking? MOVING SALE! ALL OFFERS CONSIDERED!

I went to one of these sales about a year ago and even the HOUSE was for sale. This family was moving abroad to London and it appeared that all they planned to take with them were the clothes on their back.

You know what I call that?

Brilliant!

WHY can't I be one of those people? Why?!

I am in cardboard box hell over here and there is no end in sight. I'd like to place an ad on Craig's List that says, "Take my crap away!"

And yes, even the house comes with it. The cute little kid with the pigtails though? She is not negotiable.

Sporadic

My blog posting has been sporadic at best and I often sit down to write a post and then wonder how I could possibly write down everything that is in my brain in the few short moments I have. I have so many other things to tackle at the moment that it leaves little time for the pleasureable things, like writing.

Natalie and I are holding down the Tucson fort although it hasn't been easy. I think Natalie is stressed by all the transitions, by the absence of her daddy. I can't say I blame her--I feel the same way. But I don't get to throw a tantrum about it and I wish that she wouldn't either. I think we are both pretty exhausted by the end of the day and look forward to turning down the A/C and laying together on cool, fresh sheets on the bed.

Except after she drifts off to sleep, I am left with packing and laundry and dishes and squeezing in some junk tv.

And in the midst of it all, we have even been running! It is desperately hot here now and I wait until the final hour of daylight and then load us all into the car and drive us out to Saguaro National Park. I can squeeze 3 miles in before the sun finally sinks to the far west. It isn't much and it certainly isn't as much as I would like to run but it sustains me for now. It won't be long before I can head out at 6:30pm (when I currently run) and stay out for hours with daylight left to spare.

This week, I am finally feeling cautiously optimistic that everything is actually going to work out okay for us. The last few months have been stressful, with my Hubs looking for a job, me supporting the family, us not knowing where we would be living or how we might financially survive. I panicked thinking about touching my meager savings. It took us so long to get "comfortable"--we both grew up in very modest households with blue collar families. Lower and middle class families have to work harder than most to succeed, in my opinion, and we were no exception. In the last year or so, I felt like we had finally made it. But this spring, my world came crashing down and I thought I was going to have to start over.

I'm not saying we're through all of our troubles yet but I got a job interview. For my dream job. They are flying me up to Tacoma in a few weeks and for the first time, I feel hopeful. I feel excited about the possibilities. For what this job could do for my family.

I don't have the job yet. I might not be offered the job. And then I would be back to my very stressed out stage. But, this small little token was just what I needed to help me push through the final weeks of my life here in Tucson. It reminds me that I absolutely, unequivocally believe in fate. And that is what is meant to be will always, always happen. And this IS what is supposed to happen! And I am very, very glad for it.

I Hate Goodbyes

It has been an emotional weekend around here in Casa de Run Momma. I could not be happier about my impending move to Tacoma and although my house is chaotic with boxes and piles of things to be kept, sold or thrown out, I happily do this knowing I will be home soon.

The Hubs left today and we will not see him until early July. He took with him my most beloved plants-- a few cacti for souvenirs and some plants that I have had since we got married 10 years ago. Several rooms in the house are empty except for boxes, including his walk in closet (we have separate closets in our master) and his side of the bathroom. I wish that we were leaving with him but for a few reasons, it had to be this way.

In addition to saying goodbye to him, I said goodbye to my personal trainer on Friday. I had one final session with him and it was awesome. I did these things called sumo lifts and worked my way up the rack to heavier weights until I came to the 90 pound weights.

My trainer said he had never seen a girl in the gym use those weights and I can never say no to a challenge and so I did one set of sumo lifts with the bad boy weights. My trainer was so proud of me and I was so proud of me too! He had me sign the weight at the end of the session and I told him I would come back and top any other girl if my record was ever broken. :-)

The sesson came to an end and it was time to say goodbye. I could barely mutter any words out because I could feel the tears coming on. My trainer told me that he has been training for 20+ years and sometimes someone special comes along and you have a great bond with them and that I had become one of those few people. I could tell he was being sincere because over the past few months, I feel like we have developed a bond and I totally trusted him in everything we ever did. And when I was in that gym, there was nothing else ever going on in my life except for what we were doing right there in that moment. I never once questioned what we were doing or never once said that I couldn't do it. Sometimes I would give my trainer a leery look as he put on heavier weights for different exercises but I always obliged. My trainer always pushed me in just the right way and I never failed. Even with those 90 pound weights.

When I look in the mirror, I see a fat girl. A fat girl who can run and lift heavy weights, sure, but a fat girl nonetheless. And it is sooo hard to break that cycle and see myself as an athlete or someone who is beautiful. But on Friday, I looked in the mirror as I was holding a dumbell in my hands and for just one split second, I saw myself as a strong female athlete with awesome leg muscles, great shoulders and a tight back. I didn't see a fat girl at all.

For just once, I saw myself in someone else's eyes. Because my trainer has been telling me all the changes he has seen. I didn't see them for myself until that very last day. And I liked what I saw! I didn't want to leave that session and just wanted to work out as long as I could. To avoid having to say goodbye.

So, the past few days have been tough for me...with so many goodbyes and so many doors shutting while I attempt to open new ones. I keep thinking about that I won't be going back to my trainer and I already miss him and my workouts. I know I can get another trainer in Tacoma but I also already know that it won't be the same. It will be hard to duplicate that relationship.

But, if I just try to put a little faith into what he taught me and apply that to my life, everything will work itself out. It always does.

Summer Can't Come Soon Enough

Wait? Did I really just say that?!

Oh you bet your bottom dollar I did! That is because the Hubs was offered a job today and we're gonna accept it. Locale? The most awesome, gorgeous Puget Sound!!! We're going back home!!!

I can't shout that loud enough, "We're going home!"

I don't know where we're living yet or what I'll be doing and there is still the not-so-small matter of selling our house in a buyer's market. I don't have a moving date yet but it will happen this summer.

I don't think I realized how much I really wanted this, to move back to our old town, until it became a reality. I tried so hard to live in the moment and be happy with where I was. But now that it is actually happening, I can't wait to GO.

So like I said, summer simply cannot come soon enough!!!

I Want to Bottle This Forever

When I went to pick up my daughter from preschool on Friday afternoon, she excitedly ran to her cubby and pulled out a white paper bag that she had decorated with purple and brown tissue paper.

"Mommy! It's Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day!" she excitedly shouted out, while she reached into the bag and pulled out my gift.

This year, she made me a clay heart magnet, carefully painted purple. I want to bottle up the joy on her face as she told me, "Mommy! We have to hang this on the fre-friger-frator."

No gift Natalie could ever give me will ever outweigh the love and joy she gives me each and every day without even knowing it. Her kisses and hugs and smiles are worth more than gold and remind me of just how blessed I really am.

Ouch!

Week in review: May 7-12:

OK, keeping accountable here...a work event I was responsible for as well as unbearably hot weather equals a very poor week for exercise.

Last week was such a blur...but I missed one of my PT sessions because of my event so I only had 1 hr of PT. I ran twice. I ran 2 miles on, uh, I can't even remember! And I ran just over 3 miles on Thursday? So, a whopping total of 5 miles. Oh how pathetic!

This weekend we hit 102 and in celebration of my event being over and Mother's Day, I spent most of the weekend in the pool with my daughter and the rest of the time eating!

The heat ain't going away so eventually I'm going to have to face it. But, for just one weekend, it was nice to ignore it and just relax. As all mommas should! Hope all the mommas out there had a spectacular and peaceful Mother's Day!

Week in Review: Week of 4/30

For the past, oh, I dunno, several MONTHS, I've been running (and not running) just for the sake of running. I haven't had any huge ambitions to go far or fast. My running has been largely social and just a way to escape the stresses of my life.

But then I looked at the calendar and realized that, UH-OH, if I actually want to run any upcoming races, then I better get my rear in gear! SO, I used Runner's World handy-dandy little training tools and printed out an official plan for the upcoming SeaFair Half Marathon in Seattle in July 8. I started a 10 week plan on Monday and, in an effort to become more accountable again, the weekly reviews have once again returned!

So here goes the first official week of half marathon training:

M-0
Tues- 1 hr of Personal Training (PT), 3.2 mi
Wed-0
Thur-5.25 tempo
Fri-1 hr PT
Sat-3
Sun-6 mi ("long" run)
Total: 17.45

All in all, a good week. I was able to get out several times without the jogging stroller and I felt so much stronger, lighter and faster without it. On the flip side, this was likely the last cool week we will have for a very long time. Temps were "only" in the 80s for running...and the forecast sees the temps creeping up this coming week. And they won't be coming back down!

But my body is adjusting to the heat again slowly and I've brought back the Gatorade to the longer runs. Hello hat and Gatorade and fuel belt! Let the training begin!

Wouldn't It Be Lovely?

Hey, wouldn't it be lovely if you could train for a marathon without the long runs? Just keep plugging along at your comfy little 4-5 miles and then show up on race day and BAM, blow that race out of the water?!

You wouldn't have to lay all your clothes out the night before and set 3 alarms to make sure you got up before the sun! You wouldn't have to pretend you actually really looooove the orange-vanilla energy gels (those things are just so wrong on so many levels!). You wouldn't have to get your hands all sticky as you try to pour Gatorade into each tiny little fuel belt bottle to just the right level so they won't explode in the freezer overnight.

Most importantly, you wouldn't have to haul your lazy ass out to the running path and pretend that a 16 miler is really "no big deal."

I am truly very excited about the Portland Marathon. I am motivated again and ready to get out there and run. I am so thrilled that I have a friend joining me and my expectations for this race are all about having fun, rather than the worry of what my time will be. I will never be fast. But I don't really care anymore either so it is great!

But. And there is that BUT. The idea of the long run makes me queasy. I am not a morning person to begin with. I have tried. But, 33 years into this life, I'm accepting that I just don't need that worm. Let those real early birds get it. Because? I have COFFEE! Screw the worm.

My running partner and I have been talking about this whole long run shenanigan and we both agree that it is overrated. The unfortunate thing is that it looks like my running partner and I are not going to be training together this summer (she is moving!). And since she won't be here to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn, the long run seems even more daunting. So, we have a new plan!

There are ideas out there (I don't have any real references to link to) that you can break your long run into smaller runs throughout the day. I have heard that Pam Reed does this and that there are other super goddesses out there who do it too. So, take that 16 miler and turn it into an 8 in the morning and an 8 in the evening. It doesn't matter so much that you do it all in one chunk of time...just that you do it!

I like this idea. A lot. As a working mommy, the long run can be a burden. I can't squeeze in a long run very easily in the mornings. And I certainly can't ask my daughter to tolerate a few hours in a jogging stroller but I can take her out for a shorter run in the morning and then leave her behind with the Hubs when I go out for a second time later in the day.

The truth is, I blew off a lot of my long runs with the first marathon. I cut them short or I just didn't even go. I know that I did my best on marathon day but I also know that I could've probably prepped better and put in more miles.

SO, all that mumbo jumbo just to say that I'm still gonna train for Portland. Bring it on! But, my philosophy and my training is going to be a bit different this year and I am excited to see how it goes. Now, your turn! Has anyone out there in blogland tried this and how did it work for you????

I Like to Do Things The Hard Way

I am going about this whole running thing all backwards here in Arizona. You see, I finally made it through my first marathon back in November and then immediately afterwards, my motivation and running life plummeted.

I tried to revive it a few times throughout December and January and even PR'ed a few races. Nothing like a good ol' PR to lift the running spirits, eh? Eh. Not so much. I then struggled with some shin injury (truth be told, I still have some occasional pains in my right shin).

What was that thing I said about running a race a month and that I had finally arrived as a runner? The winter blues hit me hard. It is so screwed up when you think about it. I mean, where else can you run in the middle of January in shorts and a tank top and sunglasses? Folks who deal with Old Man Winter are probably sending me evil glares and harumphs. But running...was the last thing I wanted to do.

I started working out with a personal trainer a few months ago and it has been some of the best money I've ever spent. I love the strength that I've built and my trainer knows just what I need and when I need it. He is kind and constantly says such wonderful self-esteemy building things. And. He also knows how to Kick. My. Ass. I've had more than one session where barfing crossed my mind. I have a stomach of steel so you know those must've been some heavy duty sessions. How about squatting 130 pounds?

But I love it nonetheless. And as I've gotten stronger from my workouts and, not coincidentally, as the days have gotten longer and warmer, I've found myself back out on the trails and roads with much more frequency and much more enthusiasm. Sadly, the heat quickly squelches much of my enthusiasm and as I panted my way though 3.5 miles in 94 degree weather, I wondered where my sanity had gone.

I don't yet know where I'll be this coming winter. Or even through this summer. If I'm lucky, I'll be in the northwest, training for Portland in mild weather. Or perhaps I'll still be here and will have to once again suffer through 13 and 16 and 20 milers in 90+ Arizona heat.

But that's okay. I'll miss it this winter no matter where I'm at.

Relaxed Running

Although my mileage is a bit low right now, I've been very consistently getting out to run. I'm playing the single parent game right now so my runs have been with a very heavy jogging stroller and the winds here have been astronomical lately so suffice it to say, I'm getting a good workout.

I've been running with a few buddies since last July. Prior to that, I always ran alone. As our friendship has continued, we've become more relaxed about our running together. Want to walk that last quarter mile home? Sure. Why to shoot for 5.5 instead of 4? Hey, let's go for it! Speed isn't much of a concern right now. We're just going out there and having fun.

I completed my first ever marathon in a really dismal time last November. I'm proud of my finish. The course was hot and hilly. But the time also nags at me. I know I can do better. So this year, I'm going all out for the Portland Marathon in October. The best part? I have friends who are much faster runners than me but who have happily signed on for the ride so that I can get my PR.

I was never part of any athletic teams growing up but whenever I thought about running, I always assumed it was a solo sport. You went out and you ran as fast as you could. It was about your individual performance. But you wanna know the best thing that I have gained out of becoming a runner?

The amazing feeling of being part of a team. Joining a group of fellow runners who support each other and who push each other and who celebrate each other's accomplishments. For a really beautiful example, check out these two blogs of the Running Chick and Jeff. It is an amazing story of a woman on her journey towards her first Boston Marathon and a friend who has been through it all with her until the finale when he flew cross-country and ran with her in this year's race with those awful running conditions.

The best part of it is knowing that I have friends who would do the same for me. And that I would do it for them too in a heartbeat. And what a wonderful feeling that is to have found such an awesome sport.

Fingers and Toes Crossed

The Hubs has 2 interviews in the next week in the Seattle-area. Please keep your fingers and toes crossed or send prayers for us. Wear your lucky charms, dance and chant to the job goddesses. Whatever feels right for you, ya know? Thanks so much and I'll keep you posted...I can almost smell the ocean and fir trees...

Curveballs

I don't even know where to start. I feel like I have so much to say and so little to say all at the same time. Life has handed my family some curveballs right now and so, the blogging has fallen to the side as I deal with this.

My husband and I have been together nearly 12 years. We met as backpacking guides and spent many of our days together hiking. Our vacations pre-Natalie always revolved around backpacking in great destination spots: Glacier, Yosemite.

Backpacking brings out the best and worst in us. Many times,we found ourselves in sync, hiking in silence and enjoying it, or filling the air with conversation. And sometimes, one of us struggled. On one particular trip, I remember feeling woefully out of shape as I struggled up the mountain. I was grouchy and growly and yet he never fought back, always encouraging me until we finally reached camp. The rest of the trip was wonderful.

On the last day though, we had a long hike back to the car and both of us couldn't get the thought of cheeseburgers, ice cream and cold beer out of our heads. On this day instead of it being me, my husband was the growly one and I waited it out patiently. A few hours later, after showers and food, we were both all smiles again.

Our life is like this right now. We have many dreams for our life, dreams of who we want to be or where we want to live and how we want to live. Some things have happened recently that have changed the direction of our life right now. My husband has left his job and we have put our beloved house on the market. We are hoping that in the next few months, we will find ourselves happily and safely somewhere in either Oregon or Washington. But we're both struggling right now as we figure out those next steps. On some days, I have to be the silent partner, waiting out the storm. And on other days, I need my husband to tell me that everything will be okay. That there is beer and ice cream waiting for us on the other side of the trail. Just keep hiking.

This timing and the way this is happening isn't how we ever planned it. I don't feel ready to pull Natalie from her montessori school. I don't feel ready to leave my job or to sell the house that I spent so much time fixing the way I wanted. But, we are ready to go home and although this doesn't feel so great at the moment, I can't help but think that this is what is meant to happen right now.

And so, we have lots of unanswered questions. Dreams are falling apart and we are trying to create some new ones. We've got a big ol' mountain to climb and although I feel a bit out of shape, I know I'll eventually get to the top and there will be incredible views waiting for me. Besides, I've been running and working out. I'm ready to climb a mountain now even if I don't thnk I am.

In the meantime, blogging is something that I'm not sure I'll be doing for awhile. I've got to concentrate on other tasks. So, this isn't really good bye. I just need to take a break until I figure everything else out. Who knows, next time you hear from me, I might just be reporting back on a run in the cool, deep green forests of the northwest.

Wishing I lived in a one story house

I had the best intentions to run yesterday after work. That didn't quite happen. The weather could not be better. Temps are topping out in the 80's and there is the perfect hint of spring here with the raging winds of the weekend calming down to gentle breezes. Mid-80's probably sounds hot to run in for many not living here. Or maybe you're all so sick of snow it sounds good? I assure you that with the dry air, running in 80 degrees here is like a perfect 60 degree day. Add the humidity and I'm shot!

Oh...wait. I seem to be stalling here with my excuse for not running!

You see, I had my PT session. 1 hour. My trainer is thrilled with my progress and after last Friday's "easy" day was ready to ramp back up and hit me hard for the first 30 minutes with squats, lunges, leg presses, hamstring crap (oh, how I hate the hamstring exercises!). Then he topped it all off with a bunch of lower back stuff, obliques, shoulders and arms and the grand finale of straight up pure ABS. I'm not flexible enough so the cherry on top was lots and lots of stretching.

My trainer also told me that I was "stoic." This is because no matter what he tells me to do, I do it. And I do it with very little noise, facial expression or smiling. Which results in him adding more weight. In my brain, I am screaming obscenities. But I always oblige. He is not making me do anything I can't physically handle. But damn. It sure as heck hurts sometimes!

But by the end of yesterday's session, I feebly put my work clothes back on and wobbled to my car. 3 hours later when I got home, I was still totally and utterly weak. I literally did not think I would be able to move my legs in a running pattern.

My daughter asked me to pick her up and carry her upstairs last night. My response? "Oh honey. Mommy's legs are Jello. I can't pick you up!" That caused her to break into hysterics and explaining that I did not have Jello in my legs, how silly of me!

And so I picked her up and up the stairs we went.

Week in review: March whatever to whatever

Yeah, whatever. So, I had a lame-o week and all I really have are a bunch of excuses. Too tired, too stressed, too windy (okay, it really was darn windy!). Anyway. It all just comes down to an off week. I was even a little off with the personal training and last Friday we did a recovery workout to just get all the bugs out. Lots of repetitions with low weights.

My trainer has been working my....hamstrings off. Yes, I wish it were my ass, by alas, it is only my hams. They have been so incredibly tight and sore. The poor things didn't get a break on Friday. Something about how runners needs strong legs or some other crap. (Just kidding!)

But you know what? I totally trust my trainer. After Friday it was like all my aches and pains just disappeared. I didn't feel fatigued. My hamstrings stopped screaming at me.

Anyway, excuses are just that. Ways for me to try to shift the blame instead of just face up to the fact that I was lazy and tired last week. I still have so much to learn and it is only when I put the excuses aside that I will become a better runner.

So, here it all is, no excuses:

M-3
Tues-1 hr PT, 3 miles
Wed-0
Thur-0
Fri-1 hr PT
Sat-0
Sun-0

Stuffing My Face

Just because the Girl Scouts have removed the trans fats from their cookies does not give me the green light to eat an entire sleeve of Thin Mints in three days. I take full responsibility for my actions.

And for the record, I did not even buy those dang cookies. Someone gave them to the Hubs and he, naturally, brought them home so that I could stuff my face. He doesn't really even like Thin Mints. How wrong is that?

It's Here, It's Really Here!

The Hubs introduced me to baseball when we first met some 12 years ago (holy crap--12 YEARS?!). Being from western New York, he rooted for, naturally, the Yankees. I pretty much went along for the ride and started rooting for them too.

Then I started actually watching and paying attention. And I started to really love the sport. I can't remember what year it was but the Yankees were in the World Series and I was excitedly watching the game ALONE while Hubs was at a meeting. He came home and I started excitedly telling him all about the game, giving him a play by play account. I was hooked.

It is true that I was a fair-weather Yankees fan at first. But the more I watched, the more I loved my boys. My Jeter! My Jorge!

When I'm not rooting for the Yankees these days, I do also cheer for the Seattle Mariners. Really, I would cheer for almost any team. I just love the sport and it doesn't matter who is playing. As long as it isn't the Red Sox (sorry Michelle!). :-)

One of the most awesome things about living in the desert is that Spring Training takes place here. Sadly, the Yankees don't train here. The Mariners train a bit north of us so I don't get to see them often either. But I love Spring Training because of all that it stands for: warm spring days, hot dogs and beer, skipping out from work early (to go to that afternoon meeting, ahem) to enjoy a day at the ballpark. Spring Training means that summer and the official baseball season is just around the corner. Long, lazy hot afternoons and a baseball game. What could be better?

Why wouldn't anyone not love baseball?

Weekly review: Week of Feb 19th

The personal training is going along fantastically. I really, really love it. My trainer often says things like, "Since you're an athlete, I want you to know why we're doing this exercise."

I can't help but snort and chortle just a little bit when he says the word "athlete." I still have a very hard time thinking of myself as a "athlete." I run, sure. I even run really damn long distances once in awhile. But an athlete? Me running does not quite =athlete in my brain.

I am noticing an immediate change in some of the muscles in my body. My hamstrings especially are starting to build up. My biceps have just a little more definition. I love these physical changes and I can't wait to see how that translates into making me a better, stronger runner. For now, I'll just appreciate the approving glances from the Hubs.

So, my week in review? Here goes:

M-3
Tues- 1 hr personal training
Wed-2, cut short by a screaming toddler. That was fun (not!)
Thur-3
Fri-1 hr personal training
Sat-off
Sun-6
Total: 14

Woohoo! I broke the 10 mile barrier. My shins are responding well so, as of today, right now, right this very second, it is a green light for the half marathon on March 18th. Woot!

What's this? A running related post?

My week in review:

Tues-3 miles
Wed-1/2 hr of torture known as getting weighed, measured and fat caliper-ed, 1/2 hr of personal training
Thur-3 miles
Fri-1 hr personal training

Yep, that's right. Not only did I run more than once last week, I also exercised!!! Amazing, isn't it?

I have wanted to hire a personal trainer for a long time. But, hiring a personal trainer is about as cheap as hiring a personal chef or a personal assistant or a live-in housekeeper. I could never afford it. Thanks to a beefy tax return and some serious begging on my part (to my hubby), I finally managed to make it happen.

All the fat calipering was free last week. A fat calipering buffet as it were to try it out and see how I liked it. Truth be known, I loved nearly every free minute of the training. You can guess which minutes I did NOT like. I also did not like discovering my percentage of body fat. OK, so there were some unhappy moments.

But I shared my running injuries and my trainer wants to emphasize a lot of lower body work, lots of stretching and some toning work for on top. He convinces me that I will lose weight and that I will be able to plow up large hills and will become a better and faster runner. See why I liked him? He promises very good things!

We ended Friday's session with some painful stretching. He kept telling me to just breathe into it, let my body do the work and that he wouldn't hurt me. Some of the stretches hurt in a good way--that deep pain where you say, "OW--keep going!! More!" And some of it, I wanted to beg him to stop, even though I knew how much good it was doing. But I trusted him and went with it.

The amazing thing is that later that afternoon, for the first time in weeks, all of my shin pain went away.

And even more amazing, I went on a run alone in some light rain showers and enjoyed the scenery, lost in my thoughts, not paying attention to speed. And when I looked at my Garmin later, I saw that my fastest pace at some point was a 7:22. (Granted, it was probably for a microsecond but the fact that I didn't know it occurred until after the fact says something.)

Something tells me that hiring a trainer for the next 12 weeks is going to be a very good thing.

To My Birthday Girl

One of my fondest memories from my 4 month maternity leave when Natalie was born were the long naps she would take lying on my chest. Not only did it give me time to rest and sleep, but it always felt so warm and cozy.

I loved feeling her snuggle in to me, loved stroking her fine, soft silky hair and inhaling that clean beautiful new baby smell. Her little legs curled up underneath her like a little froggie. That is actually how she often slept while in utero too so having her sleep on me was almost like having us as one again.

She was so tiny and fragile-seeming.

When I went back to work, it rocked my world. And not in a good way. The thing is, that I think working makes me an overall better, happier mommy. I dare not judge any mom who makes the choices she needs or wants to make to stay home or return to work either by choice or because she has no choice, financially. Neither choice makes you a bad or even a good mommy. How you interact and how you treat your child is what defines us as good mothers. having a career or not...who cares?

But I do question any working mom who claims it is easy to just be at work. Those first months back at work were so difficult and filled with much guilt and sadness. I missed my little baby. I missed taking afternoon naps with the sun beaming into the living room, warming us.

When you're expecting a child, especially your first, good intentioned people give you all sorts of advice. "Get your sleep now! "Cuz you ain't getting any when the baby comes!" "You MUST read the XYZ book which will guarantee your child will sleep!" "Buy this or this or this product and your life as a parent will be CHANGED!"

And my least favorite of all? "Enjoy it while they are young. They grow so fast."

Yada, yada, yada.

But, my daughter turned 3 one week ago. And as I watched her giddy excitement over her cake and her gifts, as I watched her close her eyes and make her wishes and blow our her candles on her cake (All by herself!!!), I couldn't help but think, "Where did the time go? Where did my baby go?"

It is just so true. They grow so fast, right before your eyes. Each day with Natalie is a gift that I will always treasure. I just wish the days wouldn't keep passing so quickly.

Any Day

Any day that awakens me with bright sun streaming through my windows is a good day. Any day where it is warm enough in the car to turn on the air conditioner and open the moon roof is a good day. Any day that is warm enough to open the french doors and listen to the wind chimes and feel the fresh breeze come in is a good day. And finally, any day off from work so I can enjoy this weather and plant some early spring pansies and snapdragons outside is absolutely positively a very good day indeed!

Let's hope that Groundhog knows what he is talking about! I really am ready for Spring.

Trying to be a regular blogger

Ok, so I haven't been a very consistent blogger lately...so, here is a feeble attempt.

The truth is, I'm not sure I'm such a great role model for my daughter. You see, I may be 33 years old, but I sometimes feel like a 14 year old adolescent male on many levels. Prove it, you ask? Well, last night, I spent 1 1/2 hours watching MTV getting caught up on "Real World" episodes and then chose to watch the premiere episode of "Road Rules" instead of watching the news. I also cursed when I realized that I had missed the latest episode of "The Hills". And if you're not 14 right now, you probably have no clue what the heck I'm talking about!

More proof? I laugh at stupid jokes and could probably make fart jokes that would make any other teen seem tame. Did you know that I spent 4 summers working as a backpacking guide, taking out 13-17 year old males on the trail? Yeah. I don't know why either. But, those were some of the best summers of my life.

If you can't beat 'em....join 'em! One of my favorite things to do was to make the kids trail pudding on the first night on the trail. To make it, you get your chocolate pudding mix (there are kinds made for the trail where you use water instead of milk) and you stick it in a large Ziploc bag. Mix with water...make it niiiiiice and thick. Then cut off a corner of the bag and "Squirt" it into each kid's bowl. And then giggle insanely as you watch their reaction to this thick brown substance being squirted in their bowl.

And if you're not 14 years old and reading this, you probably still have no clue why this is so hilarious. See? I told you! I am sooo not a good role model.

All this to tell you that last night, I took Natalie to the store to go order her birthday cake (a Nemo one, for her 3rd birthday next week) and as I carried her across the parking lot, she tooted. I looked at her and said, "What happened?" She proceeded to practically yell (just as we were reaching the store entrance of course), "My BUTT squeaked! Squeak! Squeak!"

The appropriate thing would've been to explain to Natalie that we use nice language (i.e not "but" but rather the much more tame "bottom") and we also say, "Excuse me" when butt, er, bottom squeaking occurs. No. My reaction was to clap my hand over my mouth and start laughing so hard that tears came out. I'm going to pay for this later, I'm sure.

Thank you all for your well wishes on my dreaded injuries. I still have some tenderness. However, I also am constantly pushing on the tender spots to see if they are still tender. That probably doesn't really help the recovery process now, does it?

I am one who does not go to the doctor unless I'm dying. And seeing as I'm not dying yet, I haven't gone. I'm not scared of the doctor. Just stupid and stubborn. I'm giving it a few more days...heading out for a run this weekend regardless (just a short one, I promise) and re-assessing. And if it doesn't seem better, than perhaps I'll make good use of that health insurance that I pay for each month and actually use it. But, I can't promise anything. I'm pretty adolescent in that way.

I'm in the eating phase of recovery

I'm coming to terms with reality. By stuffing my face with giant cookies.

My shins are not better. They don't hurt when I walk or anything but when I press down, I feel a subtle pain. The pain is lower, more towards my ankle, than when I've had shin splints in the past.

I'm getting ready to email the race organizer for my 7.5 mile trail run scheduled next weekend to cancel. Only 225 runners were allowed and it sold out so I feel like I should give my spot to someone who is healthy. It just isn't in my best interest to run on a trail for 7.5 miles, even if I do feel better soon. I need to start all over and actually build a better base. Duh.

What a stupid, stupid thing I've done to my body.

Now, let's hurry up and get better and move on so that I can (properly) train for Portland.

And eat a few more chocolate chunk cookies while I wait.

Cry Like a Baby

Why is it that I can watch a preview clip of tonight's Grey's Anatomy without any sound at all (no speakers on my work computer) and it is clearly a funny clip and I start to tear up like a baby? That show makes me an emotional wreck!

Speaking of wrecks, my body is a wreck. I think I might be injured but I'm in denial and not ready to admit it yet. My hubby may be right--I was probably really stupid for running that half marathon a few weeks ago without proper training. Actually, I felt good afterwards. And during mostly. Tired? Yes. Leg cramping from the cold after? Yes. But otherwise? I was surprised at how quickly I bounced back and how the race, overall, had seemingly little effect on me.

But I may have been wrong. I went for a social run last Friday night (think The Amazing Race, only with runners on a university campus and the prize is beer, not money. My team came in 2nd place!) and afterwards, my ankles and shins told me, under no uncertain terms, that they were NOT HAPPY. Shin splints? Maybe? I get those...the cause is doing too much too soon. I've definitely done that. So....rest, right? By Monday I was feeling better.

Except I ran on Tuesday night and it hurt while I ran and after. Shin splints, for me, usually go away during a run and only flare up after. And? The part that I don't want to admit? Is that my shins are still a little tender. And all my Dr. Googling is pointing towards stress fractures rather than shin splints.

But, I'm in denial. If I were to admit that I might actually have gone and wrecked my body, I would cry. I'm not ready to go there yet. I'm taking ibuprofen and I'm taking one week off from running and I'll re-evaluate next week. I'm scared because if it is stress fractures, I'll have to take more time off. Much more time off. And I just don't want to think about that yet.

I know I'm being a whiny baby. I know who have been through injury and come back on the other side victorious. I know this isn't the end of my running career. But, running is something I've become dependent upon. No other form of exercise has been so important to me. And so, I'm looking at my gym's classes, making plans for the just in case. But. I hope. For the best.

Fleeting

We got nearly an inch of snow here but just as soon as it was here, it started melting. I'm a little sad that Natalie won't get to see the desert as a winter wonderland when she wakes up tomorrow...the stillness of the icy snow is so beautiful and peaceful and fleeting.

Now Can I Complain?

I'm sure all who have read my blog lately have laughed at my kvetching about the cold and thought, "What a wuss!"

So...Natalie and I went out shopping to buy celebratory underwear (for her. for being potty-trained and accident free the past 3 days. we got curious george in case you're wondering.) and when we left the store, there were big fat snowflakes mixed in with the rain. By the time we got to our next destination (the grocery store--aren't we living the exciting life?), the snow had overtaken the rain. Everyone in the stores was buzzing over the snow, snow, snow. It even made me feel a little giddy-kid-like inside. And I'm not one who loves the snow so much.

I've lived here for almost five years and this is the first snow I've seen down here in the lowlands. Snow=cold, right? So, I'm really not exaggerating when I say I'M COLD!

In other news, I think I've finally found my running mojo again. It has been missing since about, oh say, November 11th and I keep thinking I've found it again, like when I ran a PR run in early December. But, it quickly leaves me and I've been searching high and low for it. I want it back. I want to want to run again and not running sinks me into a deep, deep depression-hole and I want out of the hole. Get.Me.Out.Of.This.Hole. It sucks. Something finally switched inside of me and perhaps it is just a new determination but I want to run again. I want to work on my goals and start training for my sub 2:15 half in March.

Of course, now that I think I have my mojo back, it is too dang cold and wet to go out there! Hubby is out of town for the week so all runs will have to be done with Natalie. The weather forecast calls for more COLD so we may be stuck at home all week.

Even though I live in Arizona where we get lots of blue skies days in winter, I look forward to spring just as much as everyone else around the country. It'll be here before we know it, right?

Going to Eat These Words

I'm shivering cold here in Arizona. We've had some cold weather (what is even technically called freezing!) and I've about had it. This cold crap is for the birds! Say, some nice penguins...I'm ready for spring. Maybe even summer.

Herein lies the issue: I run at night. Don't try to convince me to run in the morning. It won't happen. I often must take my darling toddler along for the ride. On nights like tonight, when the wind is of the Arctic variety, I can't take her. She won't wear a blanket, she won't keep gloves on and...she never complains. I learned my lesson the hard way when we braved the cold for 4 miles only to get back to the car where she finally admitted, "Mommy. My hands are cold." And they were beet red, those tiny little fingers.

Talk about mommy guilt.

So, reluctantly, I bailed out of a run tonight, one that I was actually looking forward to because although I can suck it up, it isn't fair to expect my little gal to be dragged along for the ride. :-(

I'll take 93 degrees over 33 anyday. You can quote me on that one.

I Thought This Race was in Arizona?!

Hooray for me. I haven't failed at my New Year's Resolution of running a race a month. One down, eleven to go!!!

I had my doubts. I really did. I registered to run the PF Chang's Rock n Roll Arizona Half Marathon (what a mouthful!) but my training has been non-existent. I have been in a running slump since my marathon in November. I had one little brief high moment when I ran in the Tucson Marathon Relay back in December and then promptly returned to slothdom and a life of leisure and very little exertion.

Seriously. I think I've run a total of about 6-7 times in the last month. With my longest run being 4.5. Um yeah. Let's go run a half marathon. Whooppee!!!!

Anyway, I had a friend with me (who has also been on slacker mode) so we just decided to enjoy the day. We ran our typical intervals of 4 minutes running, 1 minute walking. I knew I'd be able to finish...I just didn't know if it would be a good run or a bad run.

We have had unseasonably COLD weather here in Arizona. I never expected to be able to wear pants and a long sleeve shirt and STILL be cold but I was. It was 28 at the start and 40 at the finish. While some of my friends will laugh at my woosiness, please just play along this time. For when you live in Arizona, 50 is cold and 28 is like living in the Arctic!

The race started 30 minutes late and then it took us 20 minutes to cross the start line. So, 50 minutes of standing around in the cold, allowing our muscles to tighten and get colder and colder. Nice.

Once we started though, the race was uneventful for the most part. We just ran slow and steady. They were serving Accelerade (fruit punch) and running through the aid stations was an olfactory experience. There was so much fruit punch all over the ground you could smell it. It was kinda gross at the end. One aid station has high-schoolers who totally did not read the Accelerade directions and it was like swallowing cough syrup. Gag.

The bands were fun. The course was crowded and there was a lot of dodging and you had to pay attention. My partner needed a port-a-potty and we ran from mile 2-nearly 7 in search of one. Finally, at 6.8 there was a small bank of FOUR port-a-potties for 14,000 half marathoners. Not sure who thought that was going to work out just swell but it was a five minute wait and then we were back on our way.

I felt good all the way until just past mile 10 and then I was tiiiii-rreed! I didn't have any aches or pains but was slowing down and just slogging along. I guess that should be expected with my, uh, lack of training, eh?

Crossed the finish line mob at 2:29:15 which is, officially a PR for me. Wahoo! (I haven't run a half since 2004, which I finished in 2:52, although I've improved as a runner significantly in the last 2 years.)

My legs immediately cramped up (I don't run well in cold weather--I wasn't this sore after the Richmond Marathon) and it took nearly 30 minutes to get out of the race chute and find my family. We then had to walk nearly a mile to the car (actually a good thing since it helped me walk off my pain).

I thought this was a fun race but I much prefer smaller races. There were just too many people and I hate crowds. My family didn't get to see me finish and I hated having to dodge people traffic all along the course. I can't say I won't do this again (hey, the medal is really nice!) but I'll stick to smaller races when I can.

All in all, a great race and now it is time to get my butt in gear and start actually training. I have my eye on a sub 2:15 time for the Arizona Distance Classic in March...

Javamom, This One is for You

YUM.

Trying to Have the Cow

Ok, so what is that phrase...why buy the milk when you can have the cow for free?

To be honest, I never really liked Typepad all that well except I paid for a whole year of service in advance so I felt stuck with it. I got the bare bones basic version and it was fine and dandy but, really...I think Typepad works best for those who get the upgraded version and actually have, like, an actual readership and ads and such. And who know how to even create nifty headers instead of using a bland template. So, in other words, not me.

I'm actually not as computer savvy as I might seem to those who know me. I fake it pretty well. But when it comes right down to it, I tend to be in the dark ages about lots of things.

Take, for example, Food Network. WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME HOW COOL THAT CHANNEL IS? I just discovered it over the holidays and now it is always on at Casa de Run Momma.

But, I digress...

I meant to say that I have an ancient computer, I just finally got DSL a year ago and I have no idea how to write html or create a great-looking website.

Plain and simple, the reason I'm switching to Blogger is that my subscription to Typepad runs out in a few months and I don't want to pay to blog anymore. My postings ebb and flow as of late and I find myself at a loss for words often these days. I'd like to keep blogging. I enjoy it when I let it just happen and don't force myself to try to come up with witty titles and topics.

I guess I think my humor and writing works best when not forced. Paying for a blog=feeling forced to write.

Of course, having a free blog does come at a price...Blogger was down for me alllll the live long day long today and I couldn't log in at all.

But I guess that's okay because it forced me away from my computer long enough to sneak in a quick 3 mile run. Priorities...

Is This Thing On?

Thunk, thunk, thunk...is this thing on? Testing, testing? Oh, um, hello.

So, to re-cap, my New Year's Resolutions can be summed up very simply. Run more. Run better. Run bad-ass.

In between all that running, I'll be posting on here periodically to share my latest blackened toe-nail story, how Immodium saved me from much embarassment and how cool running skirts really are.

Thanks for joining me on this journey and hope you'll come back often to cheer me on.