I Hate Goodbyes

It has been an emotional weekend around here in Casa de Run Momma. I could not be happier about my impending move to Tacoma and although my house is chaotic with boxes and piles of things to be kept, sold or thrown out, I happily do this knowing I will be home soon.

The Hubs left today and we will not see him until early July. He took with him my most beloved plants-- a few cacti for souvenirs and some plants that I have had since we got married 10 years ago. Several rooms in the house are empty except for boxes, including his walk in closet (we have separate closets in our master) and his side of the bathroom. I wish that we were leaving with him but for a few reasons, it had to be this way.

In addition to saying goodbye to him, I said goodbye to my personal trainer on Friday. I had one final session with him and it was awesome. I did these things called sumo lifts and worked my way up the rack to heavier weights until I came to the 90 pound weights.

My trainer said he had never seen a girl in the gym use those weights and I can never say no to a challenge and so I did one set of sumo lifts with the bad boy weights. My trainer was so proud of me and I was so proud of me too! He had me sign the weight at the end of the session and I told him I would come back and top any other girl if my record was ever broken. :-)

The sesson came to an end and it was time to say goodbye. I could barely mutter any words out because I could feel the tears coming on. My trainer told me that he has been training for 20+ years and sometimes someone special comes along and you have a great bond with them and that I had become one of those few people. I could tell he was being sincere because over the past few months, I feel like we have developed a bond and I totally trusted him in everything we ever did. And when I was in that gym, there was nothing else ever going on in my life except for what we were doing right there in that moment. I never once questioned what we were doing or never once said that I couldn't do it. Sometimes I would give my trainer a leery look as he put on heavier weights for different exercises but I always obliged. My trainer always pushed me in just the right way and I never failed. Even with those 90 pound weights.

When I look in the mirror, I see a fat girl. A fat girl who can run and lift heavy weights, sure, but a fat girl nonetheless. And it is sooo hard to break that cycle and see myself as an athlete or someone who is beautiful. But on Friday, I looked in the mirror as I was holding a dumbell in my hands and for just one split second, I saw myself as a strong female athlete with awesome leg muscles, great shoulders and a tight back. I didn't see a fat girl at all.

For just once, I saw myself in someone else's eyes. Because my trainer has been telling me all the changes he has seen. I didn't see them for myself until that very last day. And I liked what I saw! I didn't want to leave that session and just wanted to work out as long as I could. To avoid having to say goodbye.

So, the past few days have been tough for me...with so many goodbyes and so many doors shutting while I attempt to open new ones. I keep thinking about that I won't be going back to my trainer and I already miss him and my workouts. I know I can get another trainer in Tacoma but I also already know that it won't be the same. It will be hard to duplicate that relationship.

But, if I just try to put a little faith into what he taught me and apply that to my life, everything will work itself out. It always does.

Summer Can't Come Soon Enough

Wait? Did I really just say that?!

Oh you bet your bottom dollar I did! That is because the Hubs was offered a job today and we're gonna accept it. Locale? The most awesome, gorgeous Puget Sound!!! We're going back home!!!

I can't shout that loud enough, "We're going home!"

I don't know where we're living yet or what I'll be doing and there is still the not-so-small matter of selling our house in a buyer's market. I don't have a moving date yet but it will happen this summer.

I don't think I realized how much I really wanted this, to move back to our old town, until it became a reality. I tried so hard to live in the moment and be happy with where I was. But now that it is actually happening, I can't wait to GO.

So like I said, summer simply cannot come soon enough!!!

I Want to Bottle This Forever

When I went to pick up my daughter from preschool on Friday afternoon, she excitedly ran to her cubby and pulled out a white paper bag that she had decorated with purple and brown tissue paper.

"Mommy! It's Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day!" she excitedly shouted out, while she reached into the bag and pulled out my gift.

This year, she made me a clay heart magnet, carefully painted purple. I want to bottle up the joy on her face as she told me, "Mommy! We have to hang this on the fre-friger-frator."

No gift Natalie could ever give me will ever outweigh the love and joy she gives me each and every day without even knowing it. Her kisses and hugs and smiles are worth more than gold and remind me of just how blessed I really am.

Ouch!

Week in review: May 7-12:

OK, keeping accountable here...a work event I was responsible for as well as unbearably hot weather equals a very poor week for exercise.

Last week was such a blur...but I missed one of my PT sessions because of my event so I only had 1 hr of PT. I ran twice. I ran 2 miles on, uh, I can't even remember! And I ran just over 3 miles on Thursday? So, a whopping total of 5 miles. Oh how pathetic!

This weekend we hit 102 and in celebration of my event being over and Mother's Day, I spent most of the weekend in the pool with my daughter and the rest of the time eating!

The heat ain't going away so eventually I'm going to have to face it. But, for just one weekend, it was nice to ignore it and just relax. As all mommas should! Hope all the mommas out there had a spectacular and peaceful Mother's Day!

Week in Review: Week of 4/30

For the past, oh, I dunno, several MONTHS, I've been running (and not running) just for the sake of running. I haven't had any huge ambitions to go far or fast. My running has been largely social and just a way to escape the stresses of my life.

But then I looked at the calendar and realized that, UH-OH, if I actually want to run any upcoming races, then I better get my rear in gear! SO, I used Runner's World handy-dandy little training tools and printed out an official plan for the upcoming SeaFair Half Marathon in Seattle in July 8. I started a 10 week plan on Monday and, in an effort to become more accountable again, the weekly reviews have once again returned!

So here goes the first official week of half marathon training:

M-0
Tues- 1 hr of Personal Training (PT), 3.2 mi
Wed-0
Thur-5.25 tempo
Fri-1 hr PT
Sat-3
Sun-6 mi ("long" run)
Total: 17.45

All in all, a good week. I was able to get out several times without the jogging stroller and I felt so much stronger, lighter and faster without it. On the flip side, this was likely the last cool week we will have for a very long time. Temps were "only" in the 80s for running...and the forecast sees the temps creeping up this coming week. And they won't be coming back down!

But my body is adjusting to the heat again slowly and I've brought back the Gatorade to the longer runs. Hello hat and Gatorade and fuel belt! Let the training begin!

Wouldn't It Be Lovely?

Hey, wouldn't it be lovely if you could train for a marathon without the long runs? Just keep plugging along at your comfy little 4-5 miles and then show up on race day and BAM, blow that race out of the water?!

You wouldn't have to lay all your clothes out the night before and set 3 alarms to make sure you got up before the sun! You wouldn't have to pretend you actually really looooove the orange-vanilla energy gels (those things are just so wrong on so many levels!). You wouldn't have to get your hands all sticky as you try to pour Gatorade into each tiny little fuel belt bottle to just the right level so they won't explode in the freezer overnight.

Most importantly, you wouldn't have to haul your lazy ass out to the running path and pretend that a 16 miler is really "no big deal."

I am truly very excited about the Portland Marathon. I am motivated again and ready to get out there and run. I am so thrilled that I have a friend joining me and my expectations for this race are all about having fun, rather than the worry of what my time will be. I will never be fast. But I don't really care anymore either so it is great!

But. And there is that BUT. The idea of the long run makes me queasy. I am not a morning person to begin with. I have tried. But, 33 years into this life, I'm accepting that I just don't need that worm. Let those real early birds get it. Because? I have COFFEE! Screw the worm.

My running partner and I have been talking about this whole long run shenanigan and we both agree that it is overrated. The unfortunate thing is that it looks like my running partner and I are not going to be training together this summer (she is moving!). And since she won't be here to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn, the long run seems even more daunting. So, we have a new plan!

There are ideas out there (I don't have any real references to link to) that you can break your long run into smaller runs throughout the day. I have heard that Pam Reed does this and that there are other super goddesses out there who do it too. So, take that 16 miler and turn it into an 8 in the morning and an 8 in the evening. It doesn't matter so much that you do it all in one chunk of time...just that you do it!

I like this idea. A lot. As a working mommy, the long run can be a burden. I can't squeeze in a long run very easily in the mornings. And I certainly can't ask my daughter to tolerate a few hours in a jogging stroller but I can take her out for a shorter run in the morning and then leave her behind with the Hubs when I go out for a second time later in the day.

The truth is, I blew off a lot of my long runs with the first marathon. I cut them short or I just didn't even go. I know that I did my best on marathon day but I also know that I could've probably prepped better and put in more miles.

SO, all that mumbo jumbo just to say that I'm still gonna train for Portland. Bring it on! But, my philosophy and my training is going to be a bit different this year and I am excited to see how it goes. Now, your turn! Has anyone out there in blogland tried this and how did it work for you????