This may come as somewhat of an odd statement but I do not believe in the supposed importance of teaching "sharing" to children. But, I don't think this is a strange philosophy when you consider my reasoning.
Natalie's school was closed for a few days this week which gave us a great opportunity to go do some fun things together. I asked her if she wanted to go to the zoo or the children's museum. She chose the children's museum (and I was glad because the zoo would've been hot!).
When we arrived, it was obvious we were not the only ones in search of respite from the heat. The place was packed with kids. We found a fun puzzle that required matching block shapes to the corresponding picture and she enjoyed that. That is, until another little child came barging next to her and grabbing pieces and working on the puzzle with her. Perhaps you don't see this as a problem? Aw, how cute, two little kids working on a puzzle together? Natalie and I though both saw it as an invasion of space. This was Natalie's "work" and anothe child was basically intruding. Natalie did not protest--she simply decided to go work on something else as the puzzle lost its appeal.
At some point, we came to a wooden train table. Natalie loves trains and nobody was there so she immediately sat down and started pushing trains around. Another child came up and, even though there were other trains to play with, grabbed a few cars directly out of Natalie's hands! I immediately looked for a parent and gave her a dirty look and her reaction was, "Oh ______, let's share the toys!" But she did NOT take the trains away and give them back to Natalie. She really just poo-pooed the offense. I'm not sure what the child learned by hearing his mom say, "Share!" without actually even demonstrating the practice.
Let's put these two different things into another perspective. Let's say you're at a bookstore perusing a pile of books. They are clearly in your hands, your territory. And another adult walks up to you and physically grabs a book out of your hand and begins reading it. His/her response? "Let's share!" Does that sound okay to you?
Or what if you're at your local Starbucks, enjoying your coffee and working on a crossword puzzle. You enjoy the challenge of figuring it out for yourself. Would you be okay with it if another adult came up to you, looked over your shoulder and shouted out, "That answer is banana!"
In both of these situations, it is clearly an invasion of space in the adult world and would not be socially acceptable. But for some reason, parents think that children should be okay with sharing a piece of work or toy. Time and time again, I see parents who use this buzzword, "share!" when their child has acted inappropriately. By the time we left the museum, I was rather disgusted with the behavior I saw in many children who are far old enough to know better.
I should clarify that I do believe that children, at some point, should be willing to share and that they should understand the concept. There have been many times when I will take Natalie to Starbucks and she asks for a special treat and I will say, "Yes, but we will share it." And she also offers to share food, toys, projects with me and others. The idea of sharing is reciprocal and any expectation of sharing is understood ahead of time. I will also ask her if I may please have a bite of her cookie or whatever it may be, rather then just grabbing something from her. I believe this is much more respectful and is how I would hope she behaves throughout her own life.
Sharing is a nice concept. But it must be done in a way that is acceptable to both parties. Either of Natalie's situations at the museum could have been much more pleasant experiences if the parents had set the expectation that it is certainly okay to ask another child if they can join in a game or share a toy. Natalie is not a selfish or greedy child and would have very happily offered to share her toys. But when they were rudely taken from her, she was bewildered. And so was I.
I don't know yet how to handle other children in public places. I would never reprimand another child unless the offense was something great (if a child hits my child without reason, you know I'm going to step in!). I also understand that there are many parenting styles and that ultimately, mine not be the right one. But, I do fully expect that a parent should be watching their children, even in these public spaces. You don't get to relax just because your child is somewhere safe. Unfortunately, I see parents slacking often in these types of situations. Ultimately, I believe the children are going to suffer the consequences of this. And that makes me sad.
