Sporadic

My blog posting has been sporadic at best and I often sit down to write a post and then wonder how I could possibly write down everything that is in my brain in the few short moments I have. I have so many other things to tackle at the moment that it leaves little time for the pleasureable things, like writing.

Natalie and I are holding down the Tucson fort although it hasn't been easy. I think Natalie is stressed by all the transitions, by the absence of her daddy. I can't say I blame her--I feel the same way. But I don't get to throw a tantrum about it and I wish that she wouldn't either. I think we are both pretty exhausted by the end of the day and look forward to turning down the A/C and laying together on cool, fresh sheets on the bed.

Except after she drifts off to sleep, I am left with packing and laundry and dishes and squeezing in some junk tv.

And in the midst of it all, we have even been running! It is desperately hot here now and I wait until the final hour of daylight and then load us all into the car and drive us out to Saguaro National Park. I can squeeze 3 miles in before the sun finally sinks to the far west. It isn't much and it certainly isn't as much as I would like to run but it sustains me for now. It won't be long before I can head out at 6:30pm (when I currently run) and stay out for hours with daylight left to spare.

This week, I am finally feeling cautiously optimistic that everything is actually going to work out okay for us. The last few months have been stressful, with my Hubs looking for a job, me supporting the family, us not knowing where we would be living or how we might financially survive. I panicked thinking about touching my meager savings. It took us so long to get "comfortable"--we both grew up in very modest households with blue collar families. Lower and middle class families have to work harder than most to succeed, in my opinion, and we were no exception. In the last year or so, I felt like we had finally made it. But this spring, my world came crashing down and I thought I was going to have to start over.

I'm not saying we're through all of our troubles yet but I got a job interview. For my dream job. They are flying me up to Tacoma in a few weeks and for the first time, I feel hopeful. I feel excited about the possibilities. For what this job could do for my family.

I don't have the job yet. I might not be offered the job. And then I would be back to my very stressed out stage. But, this small little token was just what I needed to help me push through the final weeks of my life here in Tucson. It reminds me that I absolutely, unequivocally believe in fate. And that is what is meant to be will always, always happen. And this IS what is supposed to happen! And I am very, very glad for it.