Curveballs

I don't even know where to start. I feel like I have so much to say and so little to say all at the same time. Life has handed my family some curveballs right now and so, the blogging has fallen to the side as I deal with this.

My husband and I have been together nearly 12 years. We met as backpacking guides and spent many of our days together hiking. Our vacations pre-Natalie always revolved around backpacking in great destination spots: Glacier, Yosemite.

Backpacking brings out the best and worst in us. Many times,we found ourselves in sync, hiking in silence and enjoying it, or filling the air with conversation. And sometimes, one of us struggled. On one particular trip, I remember feeling woefully out of shape as I struggled up the mountain. I was grouchy and growly and yet he never fought back, always encouraging me until we finally reached camp. The rest of the trip was wonderful.

On the last day though, we had a long hike back to the car and both of us couldn't get the thought of cheeseburgers, ice cream and cold beer out of our heads. On this day instead of it being me, my husband was the growly one and I waited it out patiently. A few hours later, after showers and food, we were both all smiles again.

Our life is like this right now. We have many dreams for our life, dreams of who we want to be or where we want to live and how we want to live. Some things have happened recently that have changed the direction of our life right now. My husband has left his job and we have put our beloved house on the market. We are hoping that in the next few months, we will find ourselves happily and safely somewhere in either Oregon or Washington. But we're both struggling right now as we figure out those next steps. On some days, I have to be the silent partner, waiting out the storm. And on other days, I need my husband to tell me that everything will be okay. That there is beer and ice cream waiting for us on the other side of the trail. Just keep hiking.

This timing and the way this is happening isn't how we ever planned it. I don't feel ready to pull Natalie from her montessori school. I don't feel ready to leave my job or to sell the house that I spent so much time fixing the way I wanted. But, we are ready to go home and although this doesn't feel so great at the moment, I can't help but think that this is what is meant to happen right now.

And so, we have lots of unanswered questions. Dreams are falling apart and we are trying to create some new ones. We've got a big ol' mountain to climb and although I feel a bit out of shape, I know I'll eventually get to the top and there will be incredible views waiting for me. Besides, I've been running and working out. I'm ready to climb a mountain now even if I don't thnk I am.

In the meantime, blogging is something that I'm not sure I'll be doing for awhile. I've got to concentrate on other tasks. So, this isn't really good bye. I just need to take a break until I figure everything else out. Who knows, next time you hear from me, I might just be reporting back on a run in the cool, deep green forests of the northwest.