To My Birthday Girl

One of my fondest memories from my 4 month maternity leave when Natalie was born were the long naps she would take lying on my chest. Not only did it give me time to rest and sleep, but it always felt so warm and cozy.

I loved feeling her snuggle in to me, loved stroking her fine, soft silky hair and inhaling that clean beautiful new baby smell. Her little legs curled up underneath her like a little froggie. That is actually how she often slept while in utero too so having her sleep on me was almost like having us as one again.

She was so tiny and fragile-seeming.

When I went back to work, it rocked my world. And not in a good way. The thing is, that I think working makes me an overall better, happier mommy. I dare not judge any mom who makes the choices she needs or wants to make to stay home or return to work either by choice or because she has no choice, financially. Neither choice makes you a bad or even a good mommy. How you interact and how you treat your child is what defines us as good mothers. having a career or not...who cares?

But I do question any working mom who claims it is easy to just be at work. Those first months back at work were so difficult and filled with much guilt and sadness. I missed my little baby. I missed taking afternoon naps with the sun beaming into the living room, warming us.

When you're expecting a child, especially your first, good intentioned people give you all sorts of advice. "Get your sleep now! "Cuz you ain't getting any when the baby comes!" "You MUST read the XYZ book which will guarantee your child will sleep!" "Buy this or this or this product and your life as a parent will be CHANGED!"

And my least favorite of all? "Enjoy it while they are young. They grow so fast."

Yada, yada, yada.

But, my daughter turned 3 one week ago. And as I watched her giddy excitement over her cake and her gifts, as I watched her close her eyes and make her wishes and blow our her candles on her cake (All by herself!!!), I couldn't help but think, "Where did the time go? Where did my baby go?"

It is just so true. They grow so fast, right before your eyes. Each day with Natalie is a gift that I will always treasure. I just wish the days wouldn't keep passing so quickly.