The Geese Have Landed

It has been an odd first summer back for me back in the great Puget Sound. The weather-folks keep trying to convince me that the temps have been totally, completely average. But the summers of the past that I remember don't include rain or grey skies, both of which seem plentiful this summer. Indeed, perhaps the temps have been average but the skies have not been blue.

I teeter back and forth between being completely elated at being back home and being utterly depressed (and cold!). I am a laughingstock of friends and family, the Goldilocks as it were for Tucson was tooooo hot and Tacoma is, well, tooooo cold (and grey and wet). I realize I can't have it all but the switch has been a shock to my system.

Deep down, I know that I am happy to be here. Since we've been here for the last month+, we've gone hiking twice, camping once and I've gone running down on the waterfront countless times. I've been enough times where I am actually starting to recognize people and give them nicknames in my head! I am fascinated by the thought of running at any time of day I please in the middle of summer! Without having my head explode from heat! Without having to carry a gallon of water, a gallon of Gatorade and three other gallons of fluids and ice back at the car! It is a giddy, giddy feeling for sure.

A few nights ago though, I was about to fall asleep when I heard geese flying overhead with their recognizable honk, honk, honk. And today, as I sat down at the beach with my daughter on our last true day alone with each other before I return to work, there were a few geese paddling/resting in the water.

Geese mean the return of fall. And that made me sad. And maybe even homesick.

Except. I am home.

So what the heck am I talking about?

Tucson and I were never the best of friends. I never hugged it tightly, promising to never let it go. I never settled down roots there. I wanted to but it always felt like some sort of awkward first date and I was constantly seeing all of these flaws. I was hoping this bad first date would just hurry up and end.

Well, the date did end. Finally!

But I still miss it a little. Fall in Tucson is a glorious time. Lots of place have their fall leaf shows and I do love those but a lot of my favorite memories of Tucson occur in the fall. The air finally cools down enough and is even crisp in the morning. But the sun still shines nice and warm in the afternoon. The javelinas make their way down back into town, munching on and destroying many pumpkins and potted gardens. I adored fall in Tucson.

So seeing those geese made me a little sad about no longer being there. I hurried out of town without even so much as a goodbye. And yet. I am still tied to the town with a house that won't sell but...will I ever even see this house I am making mortage payments on again? Probably not. I feel a little awkwardly tied to Tucson. I am ready to move on. And yet, I can't let go either.

New Beginnings

So, do you want the long version of my life in review over the last month or the short version? :-)

To sum it all up, I made it safely here to the Pacific Northwest. My daughter was an angel for the entire car ride. Our stuff was delayed getting here and we lived for over a week in a house with no furniture and an air mattress. The air mattress popped one night and we all ended up "sleeping" on a hardwood floor.

I ran a half marathon. I forgot to pack running socks and all of my stuff was still in Tucson in a warehouse so I had to buy new socks.

It got hot here (yay!). My daughter and I were the only ones in pants at the toddler park.

I had a job interview (one in a multi-series of interviews for an organization) and I forgot to pack shoes (but I did have my suit) so I had to buy shoes.

My stuff finally arrived, mostly in one piece. It barely fits into the rental house but the espresso machine and the washer and dryer are all I need to be happy so it works.

I ran a 5K across the new Tacoma Narrows Bridge.

Then it got cold and rainy. I wanted to hide under the covers all day during the cold and rainy part. Winter here will be a challenge. I become Eeyore at the slightest hint of grey or clouds.

I had yet another job interview (#4 in the series).

After a month without internet or cable tv, I re-joined the technological age and had everything installed.

I was offered and accepted a job!

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So, all in all, it has been a wild, busy ride. We still are waiting for our house in Tucson to sell but otherwise, all the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. I've been off of work for a month now and have two more weeks of summer vacation before I return to work. The relocation has been difficult and stressful beyond belief at times but now we're here, safe and sound.

My life is far from perfect but as I ran 8 miles the other night along the waterfront, with clear views of Mount Rainier in one direction and the Olympics in the other direction, I felt at home and happy.

I'm settling in to a routine but have been busier than ever and it will only get busier when I start my job. I only have a few more months to train for the Portland Marathon and before we all know it, summer will be over and the days will get shorter again. Computer time is self-limited these days.

There is a pretty good likelihood that my blogging days are over. I continue to read many blogs and I really enjoy them but I don't have any pressing reason to write anything on my own blog. We'll see...

For now, I hope everyone is having a fabulous summer! If you want to keep in touch with me, please feel free to email me privately.

We All Got To Make A Livin'

I totally love that show Dirty Jobs. There are some nasty things that people do on a daily basis, aren't there?

And although this job does not qualify as "dirty" I think it would totally suck in a BIG WAY to have to be one of those professional packers. How painful would it be to have to go into someone's home every day and pack each little item into nicely wrapped little newspaper print packages and section it all away into cardboard box after cardboard box.

Just when I think I'm making progress, I open yet another closet. And I haven't even touched my daughter's room yet. Sigh...

But in less than two weeks, lovely little men will come and haul my stuff away in a truck and I will gladly wave goodbye to all of my hard work over the last few weeks.

Speaking of jobs, I have yet another interview with another organization. Yippee! It is a phone interview with a TEN person panel. And I have to give a 10 minute presentation. GULP.

And my big interview is fast approaching this week! My mom is flying down here to take care of my daughter so I can fly up there and dazzle people with my fundraising prowess and they will immediately say, Please work for us!!!" Right? Right? Positive thoughts can take you care. Keeping my mental status in check. It is like a marathon. Without the GU!

Parenting Tirade

This may come as somewhat of an odd statement but I do not believe in the supposed importance of teaching "sharing" to children. But, I don't think this is a strange philosophy when you consider my reasoning.

Natalie's school was closed for a few days this week which gave us a great opportunity to go do some fun things together. I asked her if she wanted to go to the zoo or the children's museum. She chose the children's museum (and I was glad because the zoo would've been hot!).

When we arrived, it was obvious we were not the only ones in search of respite from the heat. The place was packed with kids. We found a fun puzzle that required matching block shapes to the corresponding picture and she enjoyed that. That is, until another little child came barging next to her and grabbing pieces and working on the puzzle with her. Perhaps you don't see this as a problem? Aw, how cute, two little kids working on a puzzle together? Natalie and I though both saw it as an invasion of space. This was Natalie's "work" and anothe child was basically intruding. Natalie did not protest--she simply decided to go work on something else as the puzzle lost its appeal.

At some point, we came to a wooden train table. Natalie loves trains and nobody was there so she immediately sat down and started pushing trains around. Another child came up and, even though there were other trains to play with, grabbed a few cars directly out of Natalie's hands! I immediately looked for a parent and gave her a dirty look and her reaction was, "Oh ______, let's share the toys!" But she did NOT take the trains away and give them back to Natalie. She really just poo-pooed the offense. I'm not sure what the child learned by hearing his mom say, "Share!" without actually even demonstrating the practice.

Let's put these two different things into another perspective. Let's say you're at a bookstore perusing a pile of books. They are clearly in your hands, your territory. And another adult walks up to you and physically grabs a book out of your hand and begins reading it. His/her response? "Let's share!" Does that sound okay to you?

Or what if you're at your local Starbucks, enjoying your coffee and working on a crossword puzzle. You enjoy the challenge of figuring it out for yourself. Would you be okay with it if another adult came up to you, looked over your shoulder and shouted out, "That answer is banana!"

In both of these situations, it is clearly an invasion of space in the adult world and would not be socially acceptable. But for some reason, parents think that children should be okay with sharing a piece of work or toy. Time and time again, I see parents who use this buzzword, "share!" when their child has acted inappropriately. By the time we left the museum, I was rather disgusted with the behavior I saw in many children who are far old enough to know better.

I should clarify that I do believe that children, at some point, should be willing to share and that they should understand the concept. There have been many times when I will take Natalie to Starbucks and she asks for a special treat and I will say, "Yes, but we will share it." And she also offers to share food, toys, projects with me and others. The idea of sharing is reciprocal and any expectation of sharing is understood ahead of time. I will also ask her if I may please have a bite of her cookie or whatever it may be, rather then just grabbing something from her. I believe this is much more respectful and is how I would hope she behaves throughout her own life.

Sharing is a nice concept. But it must be done in a way that is acceptable to both parties. Either of Natalie's situations at the museum could have been much more pleasant experiences if the parents had set the expectation that it is certainly okay to ask another child if they can join in a game or share a toy. Natalie is not a selfish or greedy child and would have very happily offered to share her toys. But when they were rudely taken from her, she was bewildered. And so was I.

I don't know yet how to handle other children in public places. I would never reprimand another child unless the offense was something great (if a child hits my child without reason, you know I'm going to step in!). I also understand that there are many parenting styles and that ultimately, mine not be the right one. But, I do fully expect that a parent should be watching their children, even in these public spaces. You don't get to relax just because your child is somewhere safe. Unfortunately, I see parents slacking often in these types of situations. Ultimately, I believe the children are going to suffer the consequences of this. And that makes me sad.

Why Can't I Be One of Those People?

Have you ever driven around and seen those garage sales where absolutely EVERYTHING is for sale, including used toiletries and half eaten boxes of cookies? Every knife, fork, spoon and every teeny tiny little toy is all for the taking? MOVING SALE! ALL OFFERS CONSIDERED!

I went to one of these sales about a year ago and even the HOUSE was for sale. This family was moving abroad to London and it appeared that all they planned to take with them were the clothes on their back.

You know what I call that?

Brilliant!

WHY can't I be one of those people? Why?!

I am in cardboard box hell over here and there is no end in sight. I'd like to place an ad on Craig's List that says, "Take my crap away!"

And yes, even the house comes with it. The cute little kid with the pigtails though? She is not negotiable.

Sporadic

My blog posting has been sporadic at best and I often sit down to write a post and then wonder how I could possibly write down everything that is in my brain in the few short moments I have. I have so many other things to tackle at the moment that it leaves little time for the pleasureable things, like writing.

Natalie and I are holding down the Tucson fort although it hasn't been easy. I think Natalie is stressed by all the transitions, by the absence of her daddy. I can't say I blame her--I feel the same way. But I don't get to throw a tantrum about it and I wish that she wouldn't either. I think we are both pretty exhausted by the end of the day and look forward to turning down the A/C and laying together on cool, fresh sheets on the bed.

Except after she drifts off to sleep, I am left with packing and laundry and dishes and squeezing in some junk tv.

And in the midst of it all, we have even been running! It is desperately hot here now and I wait until the final hour of daylight and then load us all into the car and drive us out to Saguaro National Park. I can squeeze 3 miles in before the sun finally sinks to the far west. It isn't much and it certainly isn't as much as I would like to run but it sustains me for now. It won't be long before I can head out at 6:30pm (when I currently run) and stay out for hours with daylight left to spare.

This week, I am finally feeling cautiously optimistic that everything is actually going to work out okay for us. The last few months have been stressful, with my Hubs looking for a job, me supporting the family, us not knowing where we would be living or how we might financially survive. I panicked thinking about touching my meager savings. It took us so long to get "comfortable"--we both grew up in very modest households with blue collar families. Lower and middle class families have to work harder than most to succeed, in my opinion, and we were no exception. In the last year or so, I felt like we had finally made it. But this spring, my world came crashing down and I thought I was going to have to start over.

I'm not saying we're through all of our troubles yet but I got a job interview. For my dream job. They are flying me up to Tacoma in a few weeks and for the first time, I feel hopeful. I feel excited about the possibilities. For what this job could do for my family.

I don't have the job yet. I might not be offered the job. And then I would be back to my very stressed out stage. But, this small little token was just what I needed to help me push through the final weeks of my life here in Tucson. It reminds me that I absolutely, unequivocally believe in fate. And that is what is meant to be will always, always happen. And this IS what is supposed to happen! And I am very, very glad for it.

I Hate Goodbyes

It has been an emotional weekend around here in Casa de Run Momma. I could not be happier about my impending move to Tacoma and although my house is chaotic with boxes and piles of things to be kept, sold or thrown out, I happily do this knowing I will be home soon.

The Hubs left today and we will not see him until early July. He took with him my most beloved plants-- a few cacti for souvenirs and some plants that I have had since we got married 10 years ago. Several rooms in the house are empty except for boxes, including his walk in closet (we have separate closets in our master) and his side of the bathroom. I wish that we were leaving with him but for a few reasons, it had to be this way.

In addition to saying goodbye to him, I said goodbye to my personal trainer on Friday. I had one final session with him and it was awesome. I did these things called sumo lifts and worked my way up the rack to heavier weights until I came to the 90 pound weights.

My trainer said he had never seen a girl in the gym use those weights and I can never say no to a challenge and so I did one set of sumo lifts with the bad boy weights. My trainer was so proud of me and I was so proud of me too! He had me sign the weight at the end of the session and I told him I would come back and top any other girl if my record was ever broken. :-)

The sesson came to an end and it was time to say goodbye. I could barely mutter any words out because I could feel the tears coming on. My trainer told me that he has been training for 20+ years and sometimes someone special comes along and you have a great bond with them and that I had become one of those few people. I could tell he was being sincere because over the past few months, I feel like we have developed a bond and I totally trusted him in everything we ever did. And when I was in that gym, there was nothing else ever going on in my life except for what we were doing right there in that moment. I never once questioned what we were doing or never once said that I couldn't do it. Sometimes I would give my trainer a leery look as he put on heavier weights for different exercises but I always obliged. My trainer always pushed me in just the right way and I never failed. Even with those 90 pound weights.

When I look in the mirror, I see a fat girl. A fat girl who can run and lift heavy weights, sure, but a fat girl nonetheless. And it is sooo hard to break that cycle and see myself as an athlete or someone who is beautiful. But on Friday, I looked in the mirror as I was holding a dumbell in my hands and for just one split second, I saw myself as a strong female athlete with awesome leg muscles, great shoulders and a tight back. I didn't see a fat girl at all.

For just once, I saw myself in someone else's eyes. Because my trainer has been telling me all the changes he has seen. I didn't see them for myself until that very last day. And I liked what I saw! I didn't want to leave that session and just wanted to work out as long as I could. To avoid having to say goodbye.

So, the past few days have been tough for me...with so many goodbyes and so many doors shutting while I attempt to open new ones. I keep thinking about that I won't be going back to my trainer and I already miss him and my workouts. I know I can get another trainer in Tacoma but I also already know that it won't be the same. It will be hard to duplicate that relationship.

But, if I just try to put a little faith into what he taught me and apply that to my life, everything will work itself out. It always does.